Thursday, April 29, 2010

Dear Friends and Family,

As we prepare for the arrival of our daughter, we have learned that while decorating her room and stocking up on girl essentials is important, even more important is the emotional health of our daughter. In her short life, our daughter will have gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle. Imagine how much harder the changes will be for her. While she may not consciously remember the events, she will still experience immense loss, including feelings of grief and trauma. She's already experienced the loss of a birth family and will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. Her world will turn upside down. She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs.

We have prepared to meet her emotional needs so that she does learn that we will always take care of her and we will always keep her safe. We need your support. In order to form a strong and healthy attachment we will allow her to regress so that she has the opportunity to go through all of the emotional stages with us despite her chronological age. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. Until she has learned that we are her parents, we will need to be her primary caretakers at all times. It is essential that we always hold her, feed her, and do all of the nurturing. You may wonder how long this will take, but the timeline is different for every child. We will follow her lead and trust our instincts as her parents rather than worry about what society expects.

We have all been waiting anxiously for our daughter to arrive but she has not been waiting for us. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways and we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are a forever family and this truly is her last stop. We trust that as our family and friends you will help us to do what is best for our daughter, and we thank you in advance for your support and understanding.

Karen and Rich

4 comments:

Jill said...

I am giddy with excitement for you guys. Reading that letter makes it so real! It's so close!

Carrie said...

Thank you for your thoughtful comments, Karen.

As we wait, too, with anxiety and excitement, we are VERY excited for you all! Safe journey, and love to Terefech as you all come home together.

John K said...

This is a BIG day! You departed for Ethiopia. That alone is an adventure, but the purpose of your passage makes it a life event of epic proportion. More big days are coming rapid fire. You have our support and Terefech will have our love and understanding. Mom and Dad K.

Amy @ Literacy Launchpad said...

Wow. How smart of you to give a heads up to friends and family about this stuff! I'm going to have to do the same. It's so different with adoption. And sometimes people don't understand. I know I didn't either till we began our journey.